"You know that beautiful things usually follow if only you can muster up that little bit of faith to keep going"

... Mustering up faith to keep going would require time. Therefore, can I just wallow in my sadness, fears and troubles for quite a while? For the meantime, I'd feel more comfortable that way.

Isa-isa lang naman kasi sana, life. 'Wag naman sabay-sabay o.

Terey ang drama

(http://thoughtcatalog.com/briannaewiest/2013/10/the-things-you-shouldnt-always-have-to-learn-the-hard-way/)

Alternative Career Options

Sa takbo ng pag-aaral ko ngayon, hindi ko talaga maiwasang mag-isip ng mga posible kong tahaking career sakaling maging sobrang bigo na ako bilang college student, o di kaya'y sobrang mabwisit na ako sa inaaral ko. Hindi ko alam, pero malakas ang feeling kong darating ako sa alinmang sitwasyon diyan, konting panahon na lang.

Kaya ngayong inumaga na naman ako sa pagsstruggle kong matulog, sinubukan kong ilista ang mga maari kong pasuking karera para lang mapangalagaan ko ang kinabukasan ko:

1. Maging call center agent. Punyeta ilang oras na akong nakahiga at nakapikit, di pa rin dumarating ang antok ko eh. Might as well pagkakitaan ko na lang yung pagkasira ng body clock ko.
2. Maging housemate ni Kuya. O di kaya'y gumawa ng sex scandal. Anything para maging artista. Uso naman yan ngayon eh.
3. Maging rapper, o kaya DJ. Promise, pangarap ko talaga ito. Naghihintay na lang ako pagkalooban ng talent ng Panginoon.
4. Tumakbo bilang kagawad sa baranggay namin. Hindi naman kailangan masyado ng utak.
5. Magtulak ng droga. Eto feeling ko bagay sa looks ko 'to eh.
6. Magbenta ng kidney, ideposit sa bangko ang pera. Feeling ko dapat pinag-iisipan ko na 'to, para pagtanda ko malaki-laki na ang naipon ng pera ko.
7. Magbenta ng laman. Php 100 isang putok.
8. Mang-akit ng matandang mayaman na malapit nang mamatay. Lalaki man o babae, papatusin ko na.

At least, if all else fails I have eight career options to consider. Ninth na lang siguro yung pagpapakatino sa pag-aaral at subuking bawiin yung mga mababang grades ng mga nakaraang semestre. Sige pa Justin ihuli mo pa 'yan. Hnnngghhh

Five. Lima. Singko.

A few days ago, the semester with the highest amounts of stress, disappointment, frustration, happiness and then some more stress has finally concluded!! What a semester that was. Really.

I got my first 5.00! I expected it anyway, having been slacking off in that subject. I didn't even study for the finals. But thanks to my weird character of being able to put all my negative emotions in a box and showering it with a facade of happiness until that box is completely shrouded with rainbows and butterflies, I managed to show not a single hintof sadness. Which isn't necessarily a good thing, because when the shroud of happiness is gone, the box would still be there. It gives me an empty feeling, because I know I should be feeling sad and disappointed right now, but I just... don't.

On other news, I've been having a couple of (one-way, I bet) virtual kilig moments since last nightttttt hahaha pathetic kid I know but sorry I just can't help itttttttt ehehehe I never liked facebook messenger (I wouldn't have left Y!M if it wasn't for group projects) but for two nights straight I've loved it hahahah </end>

Wishes

I wish I'd be more understanding about anything.
I wish I'd get to know myself more.
I wish I'd get to know you more.
I wish I'd be more open about my feelings.
I wish to know what I really want.
I wish to discover a lot of new things, meet a lot of new people.

And again, I wish typing my thoughts out would be as easy as actually doing them.

Time does not wait for anyone

It will always move forward, and so should I. Accept defeat, learn from it, move on. It was my fault anyway.

I wish typing these words is as easy as actually doing them in real life.

Sabaw at four in the morning

Here's a post while taking a break from studying some mathematical goodness which I actually haven't started yet - yup, I always take a break even before getting started with work. That's logic, and procrastination for ya.

You see, I, a man of such philosophical stature always have deep thoughts that occupy my consciousness, especially during times like these when I am left alone to wonder about things that mostly concern society, science, the universe, art, reasoning, logic, religion and all those deep and serious stuff that most people take for granted, and only humans of wide and far-reaching understanding such as mine could comprehend. I do hope that if anyone is reading this, you see the word sarcasm in between each line.

---- On love and shit

Baahhh romance, love, admiration and shit. I'm starting to hate myself for having hormones and consequently, feelings, since they mess the crap out of my thinking. Especially when feelings don't get reciprocated, and unfortunately in my situation, I think it never will. Anong ka-emohan na naman ito. You know, the classic you like this person but she like another shit, which is a character in almost every god damn romantic film. Pop culture really takes a shit on your face.

---- On Philippine politics and corruption and shit

I may not really look like a person who gives a rat's ass about it, but I actually do. With all these corruption issues, I do think that there's a greater, greater evil beyond what the media shows regarding the Philippine government. Society is highly flawed and who knows what the extent of human evil and greed can do. It would take a lot of willpower from the masses to overthrow this corrupted system, but I don't think it will happen soon.  Lots of nationalistic shit have happened in the past yet Filipinos still vote for the wrong people, those who do good still get killed and those who are in power are still the gods. Basically all I'm saying is this country is buried deep in shit, but because I like to be hopeful and nationalistic, I say we can still get out of this shit, let's just wait for the Lord to hand in brains to the masses and conscience to the rich.

---- On happiness and shit

We attended a debate regarding gay marriage last week, and I ended up getting pissed with how narrow some people mind's are. One thing I don't understand about humans is how they easily make every damn thing complicated. Come to think of it, we all have free will that easily transcends every rule or law out there. We've been so accustomed with being guarded by laws that we're running out of courage to break norms anymore ( I could totally say this to myself right now hahhhhaha careers and shit tangina)

---- On what's been happening to my life right now and shit

Basically:

- Subjects are getting harder, I'm getting lazier, I'm getting more apathetic, I'm going to get a 5.00 in math, I'm gonna get delayed, I'm....
- On the brighter, I've learned a lot this semester, having been subjected to so much stress and pressure brought about by my passion for service and leadership #cheret. I feel like I've come a long way where I was during high school. Pero sabaw pa rin ako at ayoko pa rin ng inaaral ko, boring.

 And I'm done