So I just tried dying my hair purple

AND NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED

WHAT DO I HAVE TO WEAR A FUCKING LAMPSHADE OVER MY HEAD JUST TO LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT "HEY I TRIED TO DYE MY FACKING HAIR AND I JUST FAILED MISERABLY"

I am just so sad right now.

My hair wouldn't accept the bleach. I wanted a purple ombre-ish hair so I bleached half of my hair for around 30 fucking minutes and nothing happened. Just... nothing. It's like I lit my fucking scalp on fire just for the heck of it. I even enlisted the help of my mother's friend which was so embarrassing for me because my hair wouldn't cooperate. I wanted to do another round of bleaching but of course I didn't want all of my hair to fall out so we proceeded with the dying, solely operating with pure hope. But hope isn't just enough. It's just... not enough.

What we only managed to do is suck the life out of my hair for Php 400. Pretty expensive just to destroy my hair.

It's just so facking sad.

Oh by the way, Merry Christmas.

On gender equality and me, yet again, being mistaken for a girl

Last week, I was riding the MRT to attend yet another night of merriment involving liquor, a thing which has become way too frequent this year for the liking of... well not me, probably my parents. Anyway, so I was inside the train standing, when one guy called my attention to offer his seat. To offer his fucking seat. Because he thought I was a woman. A fucking girl. A  g i r l.

Three things immediately ran inside my head:

1. "Aba'y punyeta ka." (This one never fails every time I get mistaken for a girl)

2. "Boys can grow shoulder length hair too. Punyeta ka."

3. "At kung sakaling babae talaga ako, sa tingin mo ba ganoon ako kahina para tumayo ng ilang minuto hanggang sa U.N. Avenue station? Ganoon ba kahina ang tingin mo sa mga babae na dapat lagi silang nakaupo para maging komportable? Mukha ba akong nahihirapan sa pagtayo? Mukha bang nanginginig ang mga binti ko dahil nakatayo nang ilang punyetang minuto? Punyeta ka."

I just looked at him sharply and gave him a smirk.

#genderequality

Uy bente na ako, like, 17 days ago

Dati, 'pag sinabing 20 years old na ang isang tao, dalawang adjectives kaagad ang pumapasok sa utak ko: "matanda" at "mature". Ngayong sumampa na rin ako sa 20, parang yung unang adjective na lang ang pwede kong magamit sa sarili ko. Bakit ganon? Akala ko magically magiging mature ka na lang kapag dalawang dekada ka nang nakatira sa mundo. Na sa loob ng isang taon na 19 years old ako, matututunan ko lahat ng mga bagay na may kinalaman sa maturity, para pag naging 20 na ako, maitataguyod na ako ng maturity ko sa mga susunod na taon.

Pero hindi pala. Kasi sinalubong ko yung birhtday ko ngayong taon na nagca-cram ng isang 10-page paper. Parang walang masyadong maturity dun.

Oh well. Pumasa naman na ako ng Chem 112 so wala pa akong dahilan para magdrama.

Ang dami kong feelings nowadays. Kung hormonal man 'to, sobra na.

1. Burn out
2. Burn out
3. Kawalan ng pake
4. I need other people
5. Not that I don't like the people I'm with right now... I just need... other people
6. A different environment, actually
7. Tiaka burn out
8. Things never really get easy
9. I need more time, lots of it
10. Lastly, burn out

Malapit na yata ako mag-give up on society. Mamundok na lang kaya ako at iwanan ang lahat :)))

Feelings

Do you ever feel like you are where you're supposed to be, but at the same time you think that this where you're not supposed to be? The times you have spent living during the previous years of your life lead you to the point you are currently standing on, but at the same time, even though you have allowed numerous instances and events to pile up and direct you where you currently are, life still does not feel as fulfilling as it should be?

Marami lang talagang bagay ang wala akong pake sa buhay

Tulad ng opinyon mo

My 8-year old dog died last night. I love you Kiko; thank you for all the fun memories.

Photosynthesis

Ang tagal ko nang walang crush. Wala na bang taong kayang magpakilig sa akin? (Nuks high standards) O baka sadyang manhid na ako. Feeling ko malapit na ako magphotosynthesize. Hashtag road to self-sufficiency.

Emotional

It is quite sad to think that the familiar faces you greet and laugh with every school day won't be there anymore; and the days you'd get to see them again will be fewer and fewer in number as they have to face other things outside the university. Nonetheless, you have to be happy as they have reached a milestone in their lives that you also dream of reaching too.

So to all my friends who've graduated (and will graduate soon), congratulations and thank you for all the wonderful times we've spent together.

More than half of what I consider as college friends will no longer be around next school year... it's gonna be a bit lonely.

Hi blog it's been a while

If you're asking for an update on my life, well it's still on the rough side given the tumultuous semester I went through and impending responsibilities waiting for me, but generally it's still fun; not the normal-cool-teenager-in-college kind of fun though.

One thing's for sure, I need some kind of breather from all the things I've been taking on since last summer (or since the start of high school).

How do you deal with feelings of incompetence and unworthiness. My self-esteem is at an alarmingly low state now. Thanks again, Math.

Two in the morning feelings

I took some time to reflect on how I was last year after reading someone's blog post, and after drowning myself with feelings I finally ended up with one new year's resolution.

For years, I've grown to be more on the receiving end of feelings-sharing during conversations with friends. Actually, someone has already pointed this out for me but I didn't care then. For as long as I remember I never really handled any drama with other people; I always end up keeping my emotions to myself (and some pieces of paper). I haven't really confessed my feelings towards anyone, probably because I don't like being too vulnerable.

Now that I know the repercussions of repressing my own feelings towards... things and people, this year I'll try to be more honest with my feelings. I feel like I've grown more in the confidence department this year (thanks org and council-work!), so I guess this would be the next step into becoming a better person.

(Quota na yung word na "feelings" sa post na ito)
(Kadiri ng post na ito shet)

Now that I got this out of the way...

ACADS (yes to writing about carbohydrates and seaweeds and lengthy calculations... -_-')